The door swung open and she walked in, set her laptop bag on the sofa, and stood there for a moment in the darkness. It was cool, the air subtly scented with sandalwood, the silence calming as it settled comfortingly on her. It was still a surprise to her how wonderful it was to walk into this small apartment, to really understand how much of a battle her daily existence had become that this simple space felt like a blessed refuge.
She sighed and opened her eyes again, this time trying to be objective, to see it with the eyes of young girls. It was a bit dark, and the furniture a bit worn. When she had moved in, her focus had not been on decorating, or even spending too much money on a space meant primarily for herself. She had felt so guilty that she could not compromise, control her own anger and resentment for the sake of her children. So she had minimized the expenses of her own space in an attempt to reduce the effect on the kids.
But now she saw it the way they must see it, so different from the large airy loving home she herself had put together. She couldn’t blame them for preferring their own rooms, so indulgently furnished and decorated according to their wishes. Her bathroom was smaller than even the guest bathroom, they had huge well lit mirrors and tiled floors. The cat would welcome them as they walked in from school, plants trailing down every corner, memories carefully tended through their entire lifetime. She blinked hot prickling tears away. There would be some resentment too, she knew, that she would seem inflexible and stubborn.
Her shoulders straightened, chin up, she knew she would do what only she could. She would bring love and care into this apartment so they would slowly want to be with her, not have to be guilted or forced to stay. She was the heart of the family, and she knew with conviction that she was right. It would not be what she had hoped for them, dreamed for them, but something better. She would give them her belief that it was enough that if she wished something, she could do it. And if it had to be alone, so be it. It was enough she believed in herself.
Dec 7, 2015

Interior Decoration
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